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mbumby
Moving on 
18th-Sep-2006 11:42 am
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Last night, for the second time in way too short an interval, I attended a memorial service for a friend.

I was quite impressed with some of the other people who were there. I shouldn't have been surprised to see people in the flesh whom I'd only ever seen pictures of -- or their names on the ballot, but I was.

I saw some dear people, whom I never see enough of. And I think they heard the unspoken "... but blast the circumstances" when I told them it was good to see them.

And I reacquainted myself with several folks I've not seen in, well, decades. One, a relative of the person whose life we were celebrating, came over to introduce himself to yet another of the unknown people there, and (once he gave his name -- I didn't recognize him either) was greeted with "I've not seen you in about 20 years!".

Another, it turns out had seen me a few weeks before, but I'd been in task mode, and I'd not recognized him (I'm terrible with faces) and he's not sure he greeted me anyhow... but hopefully I'll recognize him if we end up in the same place again.

Another one, it turns out will be, with her husband, opening a restaurant (excuse me, it's NOT a restaurant, it's a sports bar) within 2 miles of my house. She says they make great wings -- and that is one of my weaknesses. When I asked the "how about smoking?" question, she said they were considering having a non-smoking night. Just like, although I'm usually too cheap to buy alcohol in a bar, I will get a drink in a non-smoking bar just to support the concept, I think I'll have to frequent them on those non-smoking days.

I try to celebrate the people. While they're in my heart they're never truly gone, but I still can't help but mourn. I also can't help but be the "tough guy" in most circumstances, so when I'm quiet, when I'm alone, I'm likely to find myself thinking, and find my eyes (and soon my shirt-sleeves) moist. And this will likely go on for months. Would it be better/easier if I just lost it and bawled loudly for an afternoon? I doubt it. Perhaps I'd have no more tears, but I expect I'd still need my quiet time.
Comments 
18th-Sep-2006 08:09 pm (UTC)
I hate going to funerals. When I die, I don't want a funeral, I want a goddamn WAKE. I want a HELLUVA PARTY for people to remember me by. I want laughter, and tears, and good music, and lots of food and drink, and a memory book for people to write in.

On a different topic, I'm dubious about the entire concept of "non-smoking nights" in a smoking establishment. Yes, it's a step in the right direction -- but I'm afraid it's a feeble one (because the place will still reek of smoke, as will anyone who spends any time in it) and because of that, it won't do well, and that in turn will be used as an argument that "there's no market for it here".
19th-Sep-2006 01:54 am (UTC) - services & non-smoking nights
It was a gathering of friends, many of whom shared memories. (Although, for us shy introverts, it was explicit that we didn't need to come up and speak now.) Not a funeral per se but not a wake either. (Laughter, tears & music were all present, though.) The food and drink came later, and was most yummy. Not sure I could call it a party, though.

I understand the skepticism about a non-smoking night, but I figger if I (and others) don't do my (our) part(s), it's already doomed. (If I try and it doesn't work out, then "oh well" but still I will have done my part.)


When I brought up the topic of smoking, the husband mentioned that they are both non-smokers, and don't have problems in their current establishment -- between high ceilings and 6 ... I don't remember his word, but my brain has translated it as "scrubbers" they do okay. I suspect I'm more sensitive to it than they are, but I still aim to give it my best -- and if it's just too uggy, I'll let 'em know -- and if their wings are as good as they say I'll order takeout.
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