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mbumby
heartache 
12th-Feb-2007 06:22 pm
T-Shirt

I'm not a big Valentine's day fan. If someone gave me flowers, I'd take on the chore of trying to keep them alive as long as possible. (And I'd probably appreciate their beauty.) If someone gave me chocolate, I'd probably eat it all. Eventually. If someone gave me jewelry, I'd probably feel rather peculiar. Either I'm loved or I'm not (I think I am) and I don't think it's right to focus on one day to "prove your love". (Of course, I'm not really a big "presents for Christmas" person either.)


The FCB (www.fcbmusic.org) is a FABULOUS concert/jazz/big band, and I thoroughly enjoy the concerts of theirs that I attend.
This is the 3rd year that I've attended their fund-raising Valentine Dinner Dance. (If you like old-style music at all, or enjoy good food, I recommend this!) I don't dance. Spouse & I attended ballroom dance classes for a while, but when the spouse decided not to go anymore, I found it increasingly difficult to make time for it in my schedule. I enjoy dancing (but I hold myself to standards as high as those I would press on others, and I choose not to subject tender eyes to my attempts unless I've been dragged onto the floor -- and since I'm clueless on the floor, I don't ask others, as that might lead them to think I'm clueful). I've square danced, and the club I attended was a "singles welcome" club, so I think nothing of being asked by (or asking) someone I don't know to dance.


There were 3 people who have asked me to dance in the past (and one whom I've told that I'm clueless, but anytime she wants to dance I'm game) who were at the concert... but for whatever reason NONE of them asked me to dance this year.

Perhaps they've finally accepted that I'm clueless on the dance floor? Perhaps they have their own lives? I don't fault any of these 3 or 4 people for not wanting to dance with me (any more than I fault anyone for not friending me) -- but (as in the friending situation) I wonder what fault I should find with myself. I was watching (and ENJOYING watching) others dance, and kept hoping that someone whom I didn't know would wander by and ask me to dance. Especially if they didn't expect that it meant "anything". This is the 2nd time that the dance has coincided with my spouse's deployment. The other time it just coincided with the monthly drill. At this point, I don't know how I'd deal with the spouse being there. We've square danced before, but since we gave up on the ballroom dance lessons, haven't really done any other dancing.

Might it be harder on my heart if the spouse were there and I still didn't/couldn't dance with anyone?

The good thing is I was concerned that some percentage of the 3 people who've asked me to dance were doing so just because they felt sorry for me. I was hoping that wasn't the case. So I can be happy that they didn't feel obliged although they didn't want to.

The other minor pout was that I got a somewhat backhanded invitation to a party. I think everyone else had been "really" invited, but I got a "you can come too" sort of invite -- and I just don't know whether I should be pleased or offended by that. If it had been followed up with an e-mail "gosh, I don't know how you got left off of the original mailing-or-3" I might have gone. But as it was, I felt just too peculiar. Not to mention, I didn't get up very early on Saturday, and I had other things going on. However, if I'd remembered that Mustard's Retreat was at the Ark, THAT I would have gone to.
Comments 
13th-Feb-2007 12:41 am (UTC)
Aw hon, I'm sorry you felt a little left out. I know so well that awful feeling of "I wish somebody would ask me" and never being asked.

I don't know if it helps or not, but I will tell you that at the last dance of the night F asked me if maybe we could ask you to join us. I said no, because I have no idea how to "slow dance" with three, but I said I really wished we'd thought of the idea sooner, for an easier song!

I'm sorry neither of us did -- but I'm really glad you were there. **hug**
13th-Feb-2007 04:42 am (UTC)
That's very sweet. Thank you.

I didn't expect I'd care -- I really _don't_ dance -- but I guess it just hit me at an odd time.

It was great to see you too.
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