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mbumby
Busy Sunday 
17th-Dec-2006 06:07 pm
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There was a concert we wanted to attend, so we left the house (rather early -- I'm a J) heading east. I was driving. Badly.

Wasn't listening to the radio. Was talking to the spouse, and we were arguing different sides of what turned to be two separate things. So I guess my auto-pilot got disgusted with me & took over. I can't at this time (nor could I seconds later) tell you whether I was the first car at the intersection, although I think my auto-pilot is better than that, so I was probably following another car through the left turn, when the spouse made a strangling noise, and I realized that there was oncoming traffic. It was damp, so the brakes didn't really work, but they slowed me and I pulled back mostly into my lane, and completed the turn after they'd gone by. Big oops, although not as big as it could have been.

The concert was good. The intermission was excellent. But I think I'm in "insecure" mode. Some folks I thought saw me, but didn't wave, so I panicked and didn't walk over. And where I sat turned out to be near where someone else (whom I found quite unpleasant) sat later. *sigh*. The first thing I found unpleasant was the way her voice carried into my space -- she seemed to not stop talking. But if I fault her, I must fault myself, because shortly after we showed up we had several conversations that I am sure could be overheard by many (and I feared that was why my friends didn't want to greet me). I cannot fault her for being ignorant about certain things, but sharing at the top of her lungs her ignorance bothered me. There were several other things I found unpleasant, but for those, always I must fault myself more. She did seem to care about others, and in ways that while I care, I'll never be sure enough about my perceptions to vocalize it. And I hate judgmental people, so it seems I must decide that whatever bad I think about her, I must think worse about me. (And realized that my friends were right to not want to talk to me -- especially since they seemed to like her.)

On the way home, NPR was interviewing a female Episcopal Bishop, and the one thing she said (while reconciling her religious present with her scientific past) that I recall was "Jesus died to take our sins, not our minds".

So it's an insecure, but musical, day. And many others did come over to say hi, so I felt better. Now home, I've put my foot down, and we're going to get the holiday card/letter finished TODAY and mailed before I sleep. Hopefully it will be before 4am. (I'm disappointed we couldn't do it yesterday, as I'm shy enough I'd rather deliver to the folks at work while they're not there -- and staying up late tonight is not conducive to getting up way early tomorrow to make deliveries.
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